(via sexhilaration)
...
"I'll tell you what she was like. She was like a piano in a country where everyone has had their hands cut off."
yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou:
Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.
The way you touched me makes me want to rip my skin off and bleach it
me: *self destructs, relapses, purposely makes myself depressed, ruins my own life and happiness for literally no reason*
also me: life is so unfair :( i’m tired of being in pain :(( i wish i was happy and normal :((
Mental illness took so much away from me, sometimes I wish it would have taken my life as well
Please I just want to feel fucking safe and looked after I’m so sick of being terrified
i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world
